Stockholm Syndrome

Am I simply overtired or still a little shell-shocked at the sheer boldness at which he has been lying to me for over a decade?  Is it ever accepatable to mourn the loss of a horrid relationship?  And what exactly am I mourning?  The loss I feel is not yet tangible and defies any explanation.

Rationally, I am aware that in no way should a woman ever feel the loss of a marriage to a "man" who:

• Broke her R hip
• Broke her pelvis
• Broke her R forearm
• Slit her scalp
• Threatened her with a firearm
• Pushed her
• Choked her 
• Slapped her
• Slammed her head on the wall, doorjam, car frame, floor
• Belittled her
• Took pornographic pictures and videos of her without her consent or knowledge
• and most horrific of all....hurt her children 

Can anyone please explain?  Life will be better.  Life will be normal.  Life will be safe.  Without him.  How do you undo the psychological damage of a decade?  Broken bones and bruised skin will heal but I'm afraid the soul never really recovers.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, is there any recovery for a battered, broken spouse?  Any hope of ever trusting again?

A friend of mine told me how his family moved from their childhood home a few miles away to a much better suited home on a quiet, lazy street.  Yet many nights, the family dog would traverse the busy roads, sometimes sustaining injuries to sleep on the porch of the old home.  Sleeping on the porch of the previous home wasn't better.  Traveling there certainly wasn't more comfortable and definitely not safer.  The dog had become conditioned to understand that was home.  Without question.  I wonder if abuse imprints, too.