Is Anyone Listening?

After a huge campaign against domestic violence in the military, the armed forces would like to think they have the problem under control or at least under the rug.  Unfortunately, a few classes here and there and a slap on the wrist by the 1SGT are not adequate deterants.  With the increasing number of deployments, the military can only expect to see the numbers rise, IF those abused actually report the incidents. 

Domestic violence in the military setting is chronically underreported for very good reasons.  When a woman reports her husband, the punishments available harm the entire family, not just the abusive service member.  There are only two ways to handle domestic abuse in the military.  One, is within the judicial system and two, is with Family Advocay.  Following the first track, if the military member is incarcerated or chaptered out of the military, the family finds themselves without any means of support increasing the likelihood of retaliatory abuse.  With Family Advocacy, the service member's unit is involved.  He is identified as having "marital problems" and will be sent to classes such as anger management.  In Texas, my husband loved his anger managment classes.  He was able to get out of work and spend time with a special group of men who helped him hone his skills.  One of the men there shared with him the different ways he abused his wife that didn't leave any marks and was, therefore, not admissable in court.  Good Times.  The service member may also be stripped of rank and receive a reduction in pay.  This added stress can cause an increase in the amount of abuse in the home. 

Four.  The number of times the police have been called to military housing at our current duty station where we have lived for a little over a year.  The third time, my husband's 1SGT, our neighbor two doors down, showed up at our door after the incident.  She pulled me aside and told me, "You know I live right there.  When you feel upset all you have to do is come talk to me, not call the police," implying that I was wrong in calling the police to my home.  Yes, I'm certain the military had prepared to deal with our marital issues.  I can't keep the smirk off my face at that one. 

What she did not understand or bother to ask is why the police were called.  A particular brutal argument had ended with  my husband dragging me to him by my hair and forcing my head into his crotch.  He was attempting to force me to perform oral sex.  Afterwards he said he was only "joking" and I acquiesced and sent the police away with only a vague report of a domestic disturbance.  There are six of us in the family.  Any reduction in pay, any change in our status means bills will not be paid, groceries will not be purchased.  At that moment, I made the (un?)conscious decision to trade a sore head and some missing hairs, a wrenched neck and terribly bruised pride for a few sacks of groceries and a roof over our head.  It seemed a small price to pay at the time.