Alpha Male

Well, I'm actually doing it.  In a week or so, he will be served with the new divorce papers.  I'm not entirely sure why it will take that long but I have waited 15 years and 7 months;  one or two more weeks, while I would prefer yesterday, will not make that much of a difference.

We have no contact between each other and I am very happy for this.  During the course of our marriage, I was not allowed to say the word, "No".  Or rather, I could say it, but he would ask the same question over and over until I gave in and acquiesed to whatever it was that he wanted at the time.  This is primarily the reason we are not divorced. 

Another way he curtailed my actions was through sex.  I had to ask a friend what his actions meant as I had misunderstood his intent all these years.  When we had a particularly bad argument or I would not agree to something important to him, he would force himself on me.  I had mistakenly believed all these years that he thought being with him was so great it would change my mind.  A friend gently pointed out to me, that no.  He was not so self assured of his prowess that he was blowing my mind, therefore gaining compliance.  What he had been accomplishing all those years through forced sex was dominance.  As my friend put it, what he did to me was no different than what a human does to a dog that is out of control or overly dominant.  A human will lay on top of the dog to assert Alpha status.  He raped to assert his Alpha status.  I don't know how I could miss that.