Worst Case Scenario

My ten year old and I are experimenting with Worst Case Scenarios. Every morning, he wakes up to dread. He doesn’t want to go to school because he’s behind in his homework after being out sick for a week. Each morning, he suffers from various somatic ailments: migraine, stomachache, vomiting, etc… and explains he should not go to school, not fully understanding the vicious cycle that occurs. He stays home – School work piles up – Doesn’t want to go to school – Gets sick – Stays home. And round and round. Instead of whining and dreaming up ailments, we’ve been redirecting our thinking into Worst Case Scenarios. What’s the worst that can happen if you go to school today? His answer is usually, “I don’t have my make-up work done and I will have to sit out of recess.” Then I counter with, “So, you will have to miss recess? You’re not going to have to miss lunch to do your work and starve? Your teacher will not pull you to the front of the class and say, nyah, nyah, nyah, he didn’t do his work? Aliens will not drop from the sky and abduct all of the children who are behind in make-up work?” Usually by the third crazy outcome, he understands that truly, the worst case scenario is missing recess and maybe facing some disappointment from a beloved teacher. There are no long term repercussions. No one is going to lose a limb or face public ridicule. It’s just recess. Sucks, but it’s just one recess.

Taking a cue from my son, I’m learning to think Worst Case Scenario in my own life. In dealing with the beast, there are always going to be beastly outbreaks that will need to be contained. I’m learning to slowly let go of the hyper vigilance by imaging the worst case scenario. Worst Case Scenario in our divorce? I lose custody of the kids. That would be the absolute worst possible outcome. Is it likely? Absolutely not. But envisioning the absolute worst thing that can happen is empowering. Not only do I think, "Okay, what’s the worst that can happen?"  I also envision the solutions to the problem.  Worst case scenario is losing my kids. Is this a likely scenario? Nah, I would only lose three as my oldest is old enough to decide where he wants to go and he wants to live with his mom. Am I doing everything I can to keep that worst possible future from happening? Of course! My kids are well taken care of both physically, medically, and emotionally. I document everything I do and for them and make sure that I am in contact with the other adults who have interest in their lives, the pediatrician, teachers, etc… I do everything in my power to not speak badly about their father to them and comply with court orders. But after doing everything you can, you must let go. The rest is in the courts and the judges hands.  When we imagine the worst that can happen and realize we have  power only over our own situation, we are freed to live our lives without fear.