I research a thing to death. If I can define it, I can control it or so I like to believe. For many years, I wouldn't give a name to the events occurring within my marriage. I would not call it "abuse" or "domestic violence" or "assault". To do so would open up the possibility that I was a victim in the situation, a condition I could not bear to acknowledge. Being afraid to give a name to what was happening prevented me from finding my voice and finding a "cure". Even worse, failing to acknowledge the hideous damage done to me prevented me from seeing that the friend I leaned on for comfort and support would eventually reveal himself to be more of the same. How does the children's song go, "Second verse, same as the first, a little bit louder and a little bit worse"?
I allowed my issues, the co-dependency and the absolutely crippling lack of self-esteem blind me into believing I could not leave my dangerous marriage by myself, could not take care of myself. Raised in an extremely patriarchal culture, I believed if I was simply a good enough wife and good enough mother, I was good enough and my husband would take care of me. Well, if by take care of you mean rape and batter, then I was definitely well taken care of.
I've attached a link, an eHow guide to rebuilding your life after domestic violence. The instructions seem deceptively simple. Do not disregard. They are true and work if followed. Today, I will reapply the instructions and get back on the path to recovery. http://www.ehow.com/how_2310911_build-life-after-experiencing-domestic.html
Today, I will tell myself:
- I am proud of all I have accomplished.
- I am my own best friend.
- I love and forgive myself for all past mistakes.
- I recognize my many strengths and acknowledge the existence of ones I've yet to discover.
Today, you will, too.
"I am so buying this mug." --Betty aka Wonder Woman
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Be Nice! Remember you haven't walked a mile in my flip flops.