Love Shouldn't Hurt

October is my birth month.  It is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  All over the base, signs lettered in my favorite color, purple, announce this.  I almost grin at how quickly he must dismiss them as he drives past.  Domestic violence does not exist for him.  The fury and violence I endured was of my own making.  I forced him to react so violently.  He is a "calm and peaceful man."  He would never do those things if I hadn't made him.  I do not know if he truly believes this or if deep down, in some tiny portion of his soul, there is an inkling of self awareness that tells him what he already knows.  He is a very, very sick and damaged and bad man.  Does he know?  Would he care?  Who knows???  Not my fight, except to prevent his imprinting on those beautiful, innocent children we share. 

Recently, I found the following bit of prose on another survivor's page and I want to share it here with you.  I have almost memorized it and have incorporated parts of it into my daily meditation.  There is a healing in these words and I am grateful to the anonymous author.

"It's not about 'justice'

Or the 'principle of it,'

So I will not react.

To do so wouldn't serve

My purpose.

I've done what I had to do and

I will do what I must

Because they asked me

To keep them safe and

I promised I would.

It was never for revenge

Against him.

It's not all about him;

It never was

And it never will be.

Nor is it about me.

It's about them

And always will be.

Love should not Hurt!"