PTSD is My Bitch

PTSD is growing increasingly common in our society. That one statement speaks loudly enough about the true state of our Union. The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that approximately 7.7 million American adults age 18 and older have PTSD.  A study conducted in the early '90s, The National Comorbidity Survey estimated the lifetime prevalence of PTSD in adults to be 7.8%. When the figures were broken down along the sexes, the average for females was 10.4% twice that of the male rate of 5%. Those surveyed reported experiencing four or more traumatic events in their lifetimes. The most frequently reported traumatic events included witnessing the death or injury of another person, involvement in a natural disaster, personal involvement in a life-threatening accident, and military combat. Other traumatic events reported included rape, childhood neglect and physical abuse, sexual molestation, and assault.

In the first list, the events were traumatic, life altering, one-time occurrences. Hurricane Katrina. The Battle of Fallujah. A violent rape. The Mayo Clinic defines PTSD as “a type of anxiety disorder triggered by a traumatic event….when you experience or witness an event that causes intense fear, helplessness or horror.” http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/DS00246

And this is why I love Wiki…..
Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) is a psychological injury that results from protracted social and/or interpersonal trauma with lack or loss of control, disempowerment, and in the context of either captivity or entrapment, i.e. the lack of a viable escape route for the victim. C-PTSD is distinct from, but similar to, PTSD. The category is not formally recognized in diagnostic systems such as DSM or ICD. Forms of trauma include sexual abuse (especially child sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, domestic violence and/or torture. (I added the “and/or” because I’ve found in DV, those options weren’t an “or” thing. They all went hand-in-hand. The only difference was who was partnering up on which day.) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder

PTSD is "a normal reaction to abnormal events." The nightmares, cold sweats, flashbacks – those are all the reactions of a normal person to abnormal circumstances. Remember, NO reaction is a little bit questionable. Think I’m wrong? Imagine a spy movie where the captured agent does not respond to water boarding. Now that’s abnormal. Some therapists have described PTSD as being difficult to diagnose. There are new ‘brain signal tests’ among other differential testing options that I won’t bore you with here. Quite simply, if it quacks like a duck, it’s probably a duck. I remember how viciously I fought this diagnosis. Some people believe PTSD is an excuse for the weak and the simple minded. “If only you would just put it out of your mind….Why can’t you stop thinking about it?....When are you going to forget about it?” I have neither the time nor energy to discuss those people and suggest if you encounter them, wish them a very warm, "Go Fuck Yourself" and move on.

There was a Zen moment in finally giving in to the diagnosis and letting go. Like living with PTSD, accepting the diagnosis is a submersion, a baptism into the cult of the walking wounded. Submersion is a good word for it. Remember the black, alien goo from Spiderman? Okay, yes, I’ll admit it; its name is Venom, okay? He’s like the Bizarro Spiderman. I’m an unapologetic comic book geek. Moving on….If any of you are geeks too, you’ll remember the insidious, slow seepage over everything it touches.

Thesaurus.com yielded a treasure of synonyms for drowning: asphyxiate, deluge, douse, drench, engulf, flood, immerse, inundate, obliterate, overcome, overpower, overwhelm, prostrate, sink, stifle, suffocate, swamp, whelm, wipe out, and my personal favorite – to submerge and die. No sugarcoating! Drown is a verb, an action, and so is PTSD. At first, the startle reflexes at the sound of car doors are slight. Then they join with other ambient sounds to create a heart thumping cacophony in your veins that threatens to drag you down. Eventually, there has to be a joining with the creature or you will surely drown and die. Acceptance of your “new normal” slowly illuminates the cracks in the Venom and allows light to shine in. Or maybe it allows some of your light to finally trickle out once again.

Name the alien and own it. Remaining fearful and in the shadows allows it to engulf you.